Third week in hospital

I was finally transferred to the other hospital where I should have been operated. As I was leaving, my surgeon told me the operation would be at the end of next week.  The new hospital did not look very good – I really did not like the rooms and also the people do not look very friendly, so during the enter check-up I was so nervous that they could hear my heart beating as they were measuring my pressure.  I have been in a room with two other women – one of them is as young as I am and I want to talk about her to warn people of not being irresponsible regarding their health. She is 38 years old and she is suffering from lympho-sarcoma in the last stadium. She is really depressed because they took two tumours from her head and they are going to take one more from her chest.  She knew about the tumours already in December, but she preferred her job and she was very optimistic that everything would be ok until she fainted at home and must have been operated immediately. At this time it is too late to do something for her and the doctors told the family she had only 6 month if she even survived the third operation.  People should be more aware of the fact how vulnerable our life is. There are things and situation in which we have only one chance to do something. However, I know a lot of people who still think there will be more and more chances in their lives. From time to time I am very sad for them as I care for them.

Regarding me… it is quite another story. I talked to the doctor here who told me that he was surprised I was sent to this hospital as they ordered the first one to prepare everything what was necessary about the final decision of the operation and finally I came and the have nothing on the ground of what they could check my stage and make the final decision if to operate or not. He even outlined the first hospital made a mistake during my operations and now I was sent here and they do not know what to do. Therefore they decided to do more check-ups to investigate what happened, but this takes time and I guess I will never know the truth.  This is not helping me and I still do not know how to arrange my life.

Beside this I can say that the whole abnormal situation has changed me – first time in my life I have been so nervous and even angry. I have never been like this and to be very honest to you, I feel really ashamed with it…

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