A new week and new check-ups which should show how the pathways between my legs and head are damaged. These check-ups will measure the evoked potentials which are the electrical signals generated by the nervous system in response to sensory stimuli. The first one would be somatosensory evoked potentials or just SEPs. They consist of a series of waves that reflect sequential activation of neural structures along the somatosensory pathways. The stimulation in my case was done at the tibial nerve (it is on the inner part of the calf. The result of this is important because of intraoperative monitoring during the spinal cord operation. The check-up was done by a really great doctor who was very kind to me and explain the whole procedure to me, so I was very calm and without fear. The result of it was not good. The signals coming from my legs are so low that they are not suitable for intraoperative monitoring.
The other check-up is about motor evoked potentials or just MEPs. Single-or repetitive pulse stimulation of the brain causes that the spinal cord and peripheral muscles produce neuroelectrical signals which are known as motor evoked potentials. The check-up is a tool for the diagnosis and evaluation of multiple sclerosis and as a prognostic indicator for stroke motor recovery. This check-up also did not go good, so I am not very happy.
I noticed that it really depends on what kind of person a doctor is. There are really arrogant ones who communicate in a really strange way like they were God or they do not talk to patients at all. Meekness, understanding and time are missing to bring better conditions and comfort for the patients here. Communication is very important. When patients understand what has happened to them, it calms them down and they can think more clearly and maybe in a better and more positive way. I feel the same about me. It would be much better if a doctor comes and talks to me openly about everything.
During the days and more during the night I often think of what I am not able to do any more. I know it is not a good way of thinking, but I just cannot help. Beside that I often dream about sea and swimming with dolphins or just watching the waves of the sea coming and going away from my legs or my dreams are about dancing, running or even horse riding. Sometimes I think I go mad, but I was told that this is normal. I would really like to travel or go out more, maybe just for a walk – if being on a wheelchair and going somewhere can be called as a walk…